Why Slater Sucks

katie-bott-slater-shot.jpg

Slater doesn't suck at what he does, nor does he suck because of who he is, because Kelly's a great human being. Kelly Slater simply sucks for everyone else on tour the past 20 years who thought he might come in and … have a chance. After 20 years, 11 world titles, and currently in the running for his 12th, it's still Slater high up and alone in the Spotlight: Slater this, Kelly that. Freak here, Legend, there. Decade after decade, year after year, Slater is all anybody ever talks about. Sure Jordy's finally on his heels, and John John's the one to dethrone him down the line, but that’s been said before about other surfers. While surfers like Andy Irons and Mick Fanning have come close with two or three world titles, no one's closed the gap. And that sucks for them!! Of course Slater sucks for a bunch of other reasons, too. Most world titles. Most tour victories. Most tour prize money. Highest paid surfer, like ever! Best endorsement deals. Scratch golfer. Smart and very hot girlfriend. See, Slater sucks for a lot of reasons but it's mostly about making it suck for everyone else on tour. And if he ever stops surfing then, well, that’s when it will suck for us. ——Skip Snead

Despite the bullseye and number on his back, Kelly knows he's #1 and will always be until he decides otherwise. Photo: Kelly Bott


Posted by: Ghetto JuiceGhetto Juice at: 24 May 2013 20:53




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Slater doesn't suck at what he does, nor does he suck because of who he is, because Kelly's a great human being. Kelly Slater simply sucks for everyone else on tour the past 20 years who thought he might come in and … have a chance. After 20 years, 11 world titles, and currently in the running for his 12th, it's still Slater high up and alone in the Spotlight: Slater this, Kelly that. Freak here, Legend, there. Decade after decade, year after year, Slater is all anybody ever talks about. Sure Jordy's finally on his heels, and John John's the one to dethrone him down the line, but that’s been said before about other surfers. While surfers like Andy Irons and Mick Fanning have come close with two or three world titles, no one's closed the gap. And that sucks for them!! Of course Slater sucks for a bunch of other reasons, too. Most world titles. Most tour victories. Most tour prize money. Highest paid surfer, like ever! Best endorsement deals. Scratch golfer. Smart and very hot girlfriend. See, Slater sucks for a lot of reasons but it's mostly about making it suck for everyone else on tour. And if he ever stops surfing then, well, that’s when it will suck for us. ——Skip Snead

Despite the bullseye and number on his back, Kelly knows he's #1 and will always be until he decides otherwise. Photo: Kelly Bott

Image katie-bott-slater-shot.jpg